


those quitting words keep hitting my ear

by sparklingmini



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Crying, Fluff, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamorous Character/s, Polyamory, Separation Anxiety, Vomiting, he really is, lot’s of crying, minki's trying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2020-09-25 06:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20372443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparklingmini/pseuds/sparklingmini
Summary: minki's trying, he really is, but it's obviously not enough.





	1. i'm not in love, i'm not!

**Author's Note:**

> i'm finally starting my first story!! i'm a bit nervous about posting this, since it includes sensitive topics, but i think it should be ok because it's based off my personal experiences. either way, i hope you enjoy?
> 
> title taken from: hellevator - stray kids

minki’s totally fucked. he can’t _fucking _ believe it. dongho with his thick arms, thighs, smile that could light up the fucking _universe, _and just _everything __about him_, is enough to make minki turn into a giggling high school girl who’s just seen her crush walk past. 

minhyun isn’t much better either, with his _absolute beauty__, _ making minki go fucking _insane__. _just looking at minhyun makes minki think how lucky he his to have him in his life. 

minhyun’s like his light source, he can see him, all the time, he makes him happy when no one else can. 

this, is where he thinks he’s absolutely _fucked. _

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

he doesn’t know when it happened to be honest, could’ve been yesterday, last year, all he knows is that he’s fucking _whipped _ for those two boys. all he knows, is that he’s completely _fucked._

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

just looking at them makes butterflies fill minki’s stomach. 

he hates it so much. 

this shouldn’t be right. 

liking two people at once. 

it’s just not right. 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

he’s trying to sleep but nothings working. seeing dongho across the room isn’t helping either. (“why the _hell _does dongho need a fucking night light for?” he complains to jonghyun one night.) 

he also thinks he hears someone throwing their whole kitchen upside down. 

he decides risking his life to go see who’s in the kitchen is ok, so he gets up to see. 

he turns the corner to the kitchen to see minhyun standing there, cup of water in hand. 

_ fuck, abort mission, _minki thinks, going to turn his back and go back to the safety of his bed. 

but before he could, he hears minhyun softly shout his name from across the room. 

“minki,” 

“fuck!” he screams, moving his hand to slap himself on the face for screaming, _don’t wake your __fucking __members minki _. 

“are you ok mi—” he attempts. 

“i-i’m fine,” minki cuts him off. 

“are you sure?” minhyun walks over to him, then, starts questioning him. “you’ve started ignoring me ever since i got back from wanna one..” _he knows minki! _

“n-no i haven’t,” minki argues. 

“then please tell me what’s wrong..” he asks, dejectedly. putting his hand up to reach minki’s forehead. 

before he could feel even a _tiny _bit of minhyun’s hand on his forehead, he dashes for his room and to his bed. 

he feels his face heat up a bit, seeing minhyun was a lot. 

he quietly slips under his covers, hiding away from the monster that is love. 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minki arises the next morning, hoping, _praying, _that all of last night was just a bad dream, and didn’t almost confess his undying love for minhyun. 

dongho isn’t in his bed when he gets up and looks over to it. 

he quietly walks out to the kitchen, immediately being attacked with the smell of breakfast. 

he sees aron cooking, with jonghyun back hugging him, aron occasionally turning around to feed jonghyun. 

the scene looks awfully domestic for a “platonic” relationship. 

he gets snapped out of his thoughts though, when aron calls him over for breakfast. quietly sitting down, he thinks how great it would be to have minhyun, or dongho, wrap their arms around him, cuddle him when he can’t sle— 

“what’s got you in a twist minki?” he hears jonghyun ask, “someone special your thinking about?” 

“you can’t say shit hyung,” he replies. 

“hey, don’t talk to hyung like that,” he pouts, and aron goes to comfort him. 

“don’t pry into his love life jonghyun, leave the poor boy alone,” aron says, getting the attention of both in the room. 

“thanks hyung,” minki thanks him, someone being on his side. 

dongho soon joins them, sitting opposite to minki. 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

they finish eating breakfast half-an-hour later, but without minhyun. 

_ where is he? _minki wonders to himself, but, as if minhyun hears his thoughts, he waltzes out, bed hair and all, but still managing to look his best. 

“hey,” he says, announcing his presence, “sorry, i overslept a bit.” 

“it’s ok minhyun,” aron replies, “i saved some breakfast for you.” 

“thanks hyung.” 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

he lays in his bed, nothing to do. he looks over at dongho who’s taking a nap. he looks peaceful, calm. he wishes his thoughts were like that, peaceful, calm. 

minki thinks this will blow over soon, maybe all he has to do is wait. _just wait minki, _he thinks to himself. 

minhyun walks in, he sits in front minki and sighs. 

“jron being themselves again?” 

“yeah,” he replies softly, “i don’t understand why they can’t move to aron’s room, like, he doesn’t share with anyone.” 

“it’s tough,” minki comforts him, “hopefully they realize their feelings soon.” 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minki looks around the practice room, everyone’s doing their own things and minki thinks how lonely he must look right now. 

jonghyun’s with aron doing whatever they do, and dongho and minhyun are laughing at something on dongho’s phone. 

he sees minhyun whisper something in dongho’s ear and he laughs. 

minki sighs, wishing he was situated between the two of the—_ what the fuck are you on about, stop it minki__, _he silently scolds himself. he moves on the hard wooden chair, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with were he is. 

as if noticing his discomfort, jonghyun walks over, aron following in toe. 

“..minki?” he asks quietly, “are you ok?” 

minki shrugs him off, not wanting to talk about it. 

jonghyun, seemingly getting it, walks off, leaving minki to go back to his own space. (“if you ever need me, come speak to me, i’m not going to beat you for anything.”) 

minki’s glad that jonghyun doesn’t push anything onto him, he’s grateful for that. 

jonghyun calls them over for practice and they get started. 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minki finishes the day with his bedtime routine and slips into his bed. 

dongho’s already passed out on his bed, looking content and happy with life. 

minki, however, ain’t doing so well. 

the thoughts are consuming his sleep, ruining his sleep routine. 

he sits up in his bed, then heads out to the kitchen, no one’s there tonight, it’s pitch black. 

he then heads out the front door to sit on the chair out there. 

he then hears the door open, he jumps in his seat. 

“minki?” 

oh, it’s just jonghyun. 

“yeah hyung?” he asks. 

“what are you doing out here?” he replies, he looks drained, his hairs everywhere and his eyes are a little bit puffy and red. 

“can’t sleep,” he replies, “i don't know why though...” a complete lie, _he knows why, he just doesn’t want to accept it. _


	2. minki talks, and minki breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minki talks to jonghyun about feelings, and aron is there to break him apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back! i'm thinking of updating this story every saturday, so be on the look out for that

“you can talk to me minki,” jonghyun tells him.

“m-my feelings,” he stutters, “i have feelin— no, not feelings,” 

“what do you mean?” jonghyun eggs him on. 

“i’ve started feeling things for minhyun and dongho.” 

“oh,” he replies. 

“yeah, pretty pathetic,” he whispers, “falling in love with two people.” 

“no it isn’t minki,” he argues, “your not pathetic, you can’t help who you fall in love with..” 

“what’s going on with you and aron, hyung?” he tries to divert the subject. 

“we are talking about you here, not me,” he diverts it back. 

minki notices he looks like he’s about to cry. 

“are _you _ok?” 

“i-i’m fine,” he replies, “we’re talking about you now, i’ll deal with my shit later.” 

minki lets it go. 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minki has been more attuned to jonghyun’s feelings ever since that night. 

he’s noticed that whenever aron is around, he’s the happiest person alive, but when he leaves, he looks like he’s about to break. 

minki tells him one night that he thinks he has separation anxiety, but jonghyun always disagrees. 

minki first noticed back in produce too, but didn’t think anything of it, he just thought that it was because they’d be gone for a bit. 

but noticing it now, that’s definitely not the case. 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

the next time jonghyun and minki meet like that is at the same place. 

though last time it was for minki, now its for jonghyun. 

“..hyung,” minki says after a long time, “i really think you have separation anxiety.” 

jonghyun shakes his head, “that can’t be it, i get sad even when the rest of you guys leave for a bit.” 

“it’s not the same hyung,” minki tells him, “when anyone else leaves you only get worried, but when aron leaves, it’s like your whole world is falling apart.” 

jonghyun stares at him, unbelieving. 

“how do you know all this?” he asks quietly. 

“i’ve started watching you more hyung,” he says truthfully, “after that night i told you my problems, i’ve been more attuned to yours as well.” 

jonghyun sighs, “what do you suggest then?” 

“i suggest you talk to aron about this, then get help.” 

jonghyun opens his mouth then closes it. 

he then breaks, at first it’s small tears rolling down his cheeks, then, it gets worse, sobs racking his body. 

minki moves to hug jonghyun, sitting him down on the floor. minki holds him tight, rubbing his back. 

minki swears he sees aron standing at the door, even if he did, he doesn’t say anything. 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

after that night, minki and jonghyun start confessing to each other more. 

the other members notice of course. no one questions it. 

aron does though, trapping minki in the corner one afternoon. 

“what’s up with you and jonghyun?” he questions. 

“nothing hyung,” he replies simply, “i just want to be closer to him, he’s my leader after all.” 

aron looks at him like he doesn’t believe him, but he doesn’t question it further. 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minki’s noticed the questioning glances aron gives him when he and jonghyun are in close proximity. 

minki can’t help it though, he’s only trying to help jonghyun, and jonghyun's trying doing the same back. 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minki watches as aron leaves jonghyun to go for his nightly routine. jonghyun looks like he’s about to cry again. 

minki stands up to go to jonghyun, ignoring minhyun’s quiet, “where are you going?” 

he pats jonghyun’s back comfortingly, “he’ll be back hyung.” 

jonghyun shakes his head disbelievingly. minhyun’s watching them silently, and he decides to drag jonghyun outside before he breaks. 

once they’re outside, minki asks the inevitable, “hyung, do you like aron?” 

jonghyun stands there, “yeah,” he quietly whispers, “i don’t know how long it’s been though. probably ages knowing the separation anxiety.” 

minki stands there, he’s not that surprised, everyone but them knows their feelings for each other. 

“your anxiety hyung,” minki starts softly, “when did that start?” 

“the anxiety...” the older starts, “came before produce when i started worrying about how aron will fare alone, and what will happen to him if more than one of us made it into wanna one. as the days started getting nearer and nearer for the start of produce, it scared me_ so much _minki, i hated it.” minki feels like jonghyun’s going to cry. 

jonghyun continues, “aron has always been important to me, but i guess i never knew how much until produce came up and our whole career was in danger.” 

jonghyun looks like he’s thinking back to the past days, right before produce. 

jonghyun then couldn’t help the tears, and soon he’s crying out for aron to come back. aron hears him and he’s soon storming through the door demanding to know what minki did to make jonghyun cry. 

“minki,” aron looks at him, “what did you do to him?” aron looks mad now. 

“i-i—” minki stumbles, “i didn’t do anything!” 

jonghyun gets a fright as minki yells, sobbing louder, clinging on harder to aron. 

minki runs. 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minki runs straight past minhyun and ignores his call for him. 

he runs into his room and right under his covers, dongho isn’t in his bed, so minki assumes he’s still doing his nightly routine. 

minki thinks about what’s happened today, and he first let’s out quite sniffles, he thinks about yelling at aron, making jonghyun more hurt than he was before, and soon sobs are raking minki’s body. 

he’s too busy sobbing, that he doesn’t hear the bedroom door open. 

dongho walks in to hear minki’s sobs, he walks over and taps him through the doona. minki looks up and his breath hitches, dongho’s just gotten out of the shower and his hair is mattered on his forehead. 

he feels those butterflies in his stomach and he want to throw up. 

he runs into the bathroom just in time for him to throw his head over the toilet seat as he throws up into the toilet. 

dongho follows him in, sitting down with him and slowly rubbing his back. minki cries,_ what have i done wrong__? _

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

he wakes up in the morning and leaves his bedroom, he feels three sets of eyes on him. minhyun seems oblivious. 

he sits down, his eyes scan everyone. 

dongho’s eyes hold concern, _he’s seen how pathetic you are minki, man up _. 

aron’s eyes hold anger, _you’ve fucked up everything with him minki, pathetic. _

jonghyun’s eyes hold regret, _he shouldn’t have told me anything, i wouldn’t have been in this pathetic state currently. _

minhyun’s eyes hold confusion,_ keep it that way, we don’t need anyone else thinking how pathetic you are minki. _

minki feels as he’s about to cry. 

he grins and bares it, deciding this is a proper punishment for making jonghyun suffer last night. 

he eats with a sick feeling in his stomach. 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

jonghyun and minki meet at their “special place,” as they call it now. deciding to talk about what happened with aron the other night. 

“i’m sorry minki,” he apologizes, “i was too shaken up to form any words to speak to aron about it.” 

“it’s ok hyung,” he assures, “i understand, i saw how shaken up you looked too.” 

“i’ll talk to aron about it tomorrow.” 

“it’s ok hyung, you can take your time, aron-hyung has a right to be mad at me anyway..” _shit minki! stop exposing yourself!! _

“..what?” jonghyun asks, “you don’t deserve the hate that he gave you, after all, you didn’t do _shit._” 

minki doesn’t believe him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm a bit worried about the separation anxiety, but everyone goes through it differently, and this is what it's like for me, so no one can really get mad at me for it


	3. jonghyun talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, this is coming out a bit earlier than planned, but i'm busy later in the day, so i have no time to post it other than now.
> 
> there's a lot of crying this chapter and minki throws up a bit at the end, so skip that if you're worried. jonghyun's separation anxiety is explored a bit more throughout this chapter too.

it’s minki sees jonghyun talking to aron. _oh, _he thinks, _it seems aron’s yelling at jonghyun now. _

minki is worried, but ultimately decides not to try and break it up. jonghyun _needs _to talk to aron. 

jonghyun’s now standing there in shock, obviously at something aron has said. 

aron storms off, leaving jonghyun there. 

then, jonghyun cries, he falls to the floor, sobs racking his body. 

dongho and minhyun run out, hearing jonghyun’s sobs. 

“hyung!” minhyun yells, but minki stops him before he can get close to jonghyun. 

minki drags him to his room, he slams the door shut and locks it, and he can faintly hear minhyun whining about not being able to go back to his room. 

dongho comforts him and tells him he can sleep with him. 

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minki rubs jonghyun’s back, calming him down. he waits until he’s calmer before asking questions. 

“h-hyung,” minki hesitantly asks, “what was that about?” jonghyun sniffles. 

“i-i told him that it w-was disgusting the way h-he spoke to you,” he hugs minki, “but he told me that y-you made me c-cry, so you deserved it. i-i told him it wasn’t you, but he d-didn’t believe m-me since you were t-the only one with me a-at the time.” he cries. 

“y-you don’t deserve that m-minki,” he sobs, “i-i’m so s-sorry.” 

_ you do deserve it minki, you fucked up their relationship. _

“i-i want a-aron,” he cries, curling in a ball, “i-i want him b-back..” 

_ look at that minki, you absolute fuck, look at what you’ve fucking done. _

minki doesn’t know _what _to do in this situation, so he just sits next to jonghyun and lets him spill his feelings out. 

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minki doesn’t get any sleep that night, he sits there as jonghyun curls in on himself, calling out for aron at some points. 

minki doesn’t understand how cruel aron can be. the way he treated jonghyun was disgusting, minki wishes that he didn’t have separation anxiety, maybe then he’d be ok, even after fighting with aron. 

but, miracles like that don’t happen, and so, minki is stuck to deal with jonghyun’s breakdowns every second. 

minki thinks it’s bad luck, _no it’s not, __you set yourself up for this._ minki shouldn’t blame it on jonghyun though. 

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minki sees aron giving him death glares when they walk past each other. it’s like aron blames him on losing jonghyun’s trust. 

minki has basically kicked minhyun out of his room, so he could comfort jonghyun every night. 

now that they’re preparing for a comeback, minki has been forced to socialise with everyone including aron. 

_ you fucked up big time__ minki._

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minki walks into the practice room with jonghyun by his side. he can see aron giving him glares again. minki hopes this all passes quickly. 

but aron’s glares aren’t the only things he notices. 

dongho had dyed his hair blond_. _

minki’s breath gets taken away, and he’s left in awe. 

jonghyun notices and turns around just in time to see minki panic over how good dongho looks. 

“i bet he could see those heart eyes a mile away,” jonghyun’s voice brings minki out of his trance. 

“s-shut up,” he stutters to jonghyun, “don’t expose me like that.” 

“awe,” he says, “are you embarrassed?” he pinches minki’s cheeks. 

“stop it,” he swats jonghyun’s hands away. 

minki looks back over to dongho, he’s with minhyun at the moment, and again, he sees them laughing at something on minhyun’s phone. 

minki feels the butterflies again. _you’re not good enough for them minki._ minki tries to throw those thoughts away. 

minki wants to walk over to them, but he doesn’t want to leave jonghyun on his own. but, jonghyun being jonghyun, notices, so he tells him it’s ok if he leaves. 

“are you sure hyung?” minki asks, hesitantly, “i_ can _stay with you.” 

“i’ll be fine,” he replies, “i’ll just start practising.” 

with confirmation from jonghyun, minki makes a move towards minhyun and dongho. 

he taps minhyun’s shoulder, and he looks up with that smile, that always makes minki blush. 

minhyun’s smile drops as he notices minki’s flushed face. 

“oh my god!” he exclaims, dongho jumping in the process, “you’re not getting sick are you?” 

minki jumps as minhyun reaches out his hand to touch his forehead. “i-i’m fine hyung,” he denies. 

“you don’t look fine.. look! your whole face is red!” 

“i-it’s just a bit hot in here y-you know?” he stutters out. 

“what do you mean?” he asks, confusingly, “the aircon is on and it’s not even 20°c outside.” 

“o-oh,” he says, “i should be getting back to jonghyun now! bye, hyungs!” 

“minki!” he tries to call out, but minki ignores him in favour of seeing jonghyun. 

he feels four sets of eyes on him, but he ignores three of them. 

“woah,” jonghyun chuckles, “minhyun made you blush like a schoolgirl, and all he did was smile.” 

“..you try liking a man as amazing as minhyun-hyung.” he replies, annoyed. 

“got me there minki,” he chuckles as he shrugs his shoulders. 

the happiness doesn’t last though, he feels jonghyun dragged out of his grip as aron pulls him out of the room. 

as he watches him get dragged outside, he feels tears gather in his eyes. _ther__e should be no happiness for you minki. _

minki lets his tears drop as dongho and minhyun crowd around him. _stop acting like this minki, you’re just a sook. _

he doesn’t need minhyun and dongho hearing him cry so he runs. 

he lands on the bathroom floor, not forgetting to lock it though. _deal with your problems alone minki, no one else needs to deal with your problems. _

he faintly hears minhyun knocking on the door as he calls out for minki. minki doesn’t listen though, blocking them out. _that’s right minki, deal with your problems alone. _

minki wants to throw up as he lets his thoughts consume him. _throw up, show everyone how fucking pathetic you are. _

minki sobs as he throws up into the toilet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all should hopefully be resolved next chapter, we'll just have to wait for that.


	4. aron and minki talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minki and aron talk about what's been happening. jonghyun cheers up minki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end of this chapter is hopefully happier, i wanted to give poor minki a break from his feelings. hopefully next chapter nothing goes wrong...

minki can vaguely hear jonghyun yelling at minhyun, he can’t hear him too well though. his cries, the only thing he can hear. 

dongho must’ve stayed in the practice room. 

the next thing he remembers jonghyun yelling at _him to_ open the door. he does, falling into jonghyun’s arms. 

he sobs, begging for the pain to end. 

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 - 

minki vaguely remembers how he got into bed with jonghyun. 

he’s laying next to him, jonghyun already asleep. 

minki can’t sleep, his thoughts whirling through his head. _l__eave, leave minki, stop trying to make everything better, you’ll make everything worse. _he feels like crying. 

he then feels jonghyun turn over, facing minki’s back. minki’s thoughts calm, even if just a fraction. 

he also turns over, wrapping his arms around jonghyun, jonghyun does the same. minki hides in his chest. 

minki then hears the door creak open, he vaguely recognises it as aron. he goes back to “sleeping.” 

“i know your awake minki,” he whispers, “can we please talk?” 

minki goes through the ups and downs of going with aron, and leaving jonghyun’s safe arms. _maybe you should run away, then no one can deal with your shit. _

minki decides to go with him, maybe it’ll be good for him. _it won’t be good for you, you’ll end up making it worse _ _ . _

he slowly untangles himself from jonghyun, trying not to wake him. 

he follows aron out of the room and into the latter’s room, the light is still on. 

they sit at the end of aron’s bed, and both are quiet. minki expects a lot, but not what aron does. 

aron hugs him, _hugs him. _

minki sits in shock, before slowly wrapping his arms around aron’s waist in return. 

“i’m _so _sorry minki,” he whispers, “i’m so sorry for everything that i’ve done it said about you in the past few weeks, you never deserved _shit__. _and you should have every right to be near jonghyun, i was just being a jealous little bitch.” 

_ he’s lying, you deserve everything, you worthless piece of shit. _

aron stares at him, waiting. 

minki doesn’t know what to do. he wants to forgive aron, but another tells him not to. _do it, maybe you’ll get hurt more, it’s what you fucking deserve. _

“i-i,” he stutters, “o-okay. i forgive you hyung.” _maybe you decided this a little too quickly minki.._

aron hugs him, “again, i’m sorry for all the trouble i’ve caused you.” 

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 - 

“i hear you made up with aron-hyung last night minki.” is the first thing jonghyun says to minki when he wakes up. 

minki rubs his eyes and glares at jonghyun from his bed. “i hate you.” 

jonghyun pouts. “no you don’t.” 

minki shakes nods his head, “no i don’t. but i’m reserved for minhyun and dongho.” 

now it’s jonghyun’s turn to shake his head. “shut up.” 

“never.” 

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 - 

everyone has a happy expression littered on their face. minki is glad. now, he awaits jonghyun and aron’s getting together. 

he looks over to jonghyun and aron. jonghyun clinging onto aron’s arm. they look happy together. he smiles. 

he then looks over to minhyun and dongho. minhyun, once again, is showing something to dongho on his phone. minki doesn’t understand what could be so interesting and funny to need to be on his phone constantly. 

he stares a little too long and he sees minhyun slowly lift his head. minhyun gives him this questioning look and minki shakes his head a little too hard. 

minhyun shakes his head at him. then, shrugs his shoulders, soon going back to his video. 

minki sighs. jonghyun being right next to him, of course, noticed. he also gives him a questioning look, minki shakes his head at him too. he doesn’t need to know yet. 

they all continue eating. 

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 - 

as soon as they both enter their bedroom, jonghyun questions him. 

“i know you’re not being honest with me minki.” 

minki nods. “i’m not, i just didn’t want to say anything while we were at the table.” 

jonghyun nods at his confession. “though, you could’ve dragged me away, i wouldn’t of minded, aron wouldn’t of either.” 

“i don’t want to worry anyone else.” 

jonghyun shakes his head. “i’ll never win with you.” 

minki feels bad. 

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 - 

it’s been a while since jonghyun and minki have met outside like this. after all, everything had been ok between everyone. no one had any fights brewing between each other and everything was ok. 

in everyone else but minki’s mind. 

minki loves dongho and minhyun so much, but, no surprise there. but, he hates it _so fucking much_. they can’t get out of his head. 

with things going relatively well between their group now, minki has a lot of time to think about the two of them. 

“it’s nice to be out here again,” jonghyun says, sarcasm dripping from his voice. 

minki chuckles, “yeah. totally.” 

“so, anything on your mind tonight?” 

minki thinks, should he tell him. _there’s no point in hiding it from jonghyun, we’ve been through a lot together. _

“yeah, a lot.” 

“tell me,” the older coaxes. 

“it’s minhyun and dongho,” he starts wearily. jonghyun nods. “they’re being so close to each other.. it makes me sick.” 

“do you think something will happen between the two of them?” 

“of course,” the younger replies weakly. “how can it not?” 

“honestly, all i can say is, it’ll be best to leave them to get together.” jonghyun says right out and minki feels his eyes prickle with tears, he’s ready to burst at any moment. one wrong sentence and he’s gone. 

“but!” jonghyun says before minki can think anymore. “_never forget_, things change over time, things happen for a reason. just wait, wait for things to turn out, see what you can do from there.” jonghyun smiles sweetly at him and he brings his hands up to his eyes to wipe away the tears that had managed to escape while jonghyun was speaking, without his knowledge. 

“but remember, if anything goes to shit, i’m sure aron won’t mind you joining our relationship.” he chuckles softly. 

minki, who had apparently found that funny started laughing as loud as possible, not realising that it was probably 2 in the morning and people were trying to sleep. he finally realises that_ oh fuck, people are trying to sleep, _and he slaps his hand over his mouth to stop anything else from coming out. 

minki and jonghyun then make eye contact and stop caring about the people who like their “beauty sleep.” (“they can go fuck themselves.”) 

they finally calm down, with jonghyun being the responsible one, and dragging them both to their bedroom. before they fall asleep though, minki calls out a soft, “if things don’t work out between us three, i_ do _expect a formal place in your relationship, you can’t say no.” 

jonghyun chuckles. “i’ll tell aron tomorrow, don’t worry.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter is done! thanks for reading!


	5. a new relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minki exposes something he shouldn’t have...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at the start it’s a bit rough, but it gets better by the end of the chapter

“what the fuck did i just walk in on?” minki screams as he watches jonghyun and aron make out. “all i wanted was some fucking breakfast and all i see is you two making out instead of getting our breakfast ready.”

they just stand there though, mouths agape. “oh.” they both reply. they then separate as soon as minhyun and dongho enter the kitchen, confused as to what the hell was happening.

“are you three ok?” he hears, “i heard a lot of yelling.”

“we’re fine, nothing to worry about.” jonghyun replies, strongly.

minhyun, however, tries to get it out of them. “are you _sure _that you guys are fine, i head some yelling, i’m sure it’s _something _to be worried about.”

“it’s no—”

“jonghyun-hyung and aron-hyung were making out! instead of getting our breakfast!!” minki cuts him off, yelling. “i just wanted breakfast! but _no, _the two twits are making out!”

dongho and minhyun gasp. “since when were you two _dating.” _they both reply at the same time.

jonghyun and aron spare a glance of _we’re fucked. _

minki realises what just happened and takes a step back. _you’ve just exposed them minki! what the _fuck _were you thinking? _he then smacks his hand over his mouth. ‘oh fuck.’

everyone has their eyes in him, jonghyun’s look sadder. “fuck!” he yells and he _sprints_ out towards his shared bedroom. he slams and locks it.

_minki... keep your mouth SHUT next time! _

minki whimpers as he pushes his head into his pillow. soon, he’s hearing the rushed calls of his name from jonghyun.

“minki! _minki!” _he starts sounding desperate. minki pushes his head further into his pillow.

“go away!” he calls in reply. “i’ve fucked up! leave me alone!” then, the tears decide to fall down his face. a steady flow.

_stop crying, you crybaby. _

“minki, _please._” jonghyun calls out desperately. “no one else is with me, it’s just me, _please _open the door.” he’s really desperate now, rushed calls getting even more rushed. 

_c’mon, get up!_

minki slowly rises at the voice in his head. he wipes at his eyes, trying to force himself to stop crying. his face is no doubt red and puffy.

he moves to the door extremely slowly, not making a peep.

he grabs at the door handle. he unlocks the door. he turns the door handle. he pulls the door open.

jonghyun rushes in at the speed of light and hugs minki as tight as he can. minki feels like he’s being crushed.

“h-hyung,” minki breaths out. “you’re crushing me.” jonghyun let’s go with a sheepish look on his face.

“you really do worry me, you do.”

_change that minki. no one should be worried about you. _

“i’m going to sit you down, and we’re going to talk about what happened out there.” he grabs minki’s wrist and lightly pulls him across the room. “first of all, i’m definitely _not _mad at you minki.”

_don’t trust him. _

“i’m just upset that this is how aron and i have to come out to everyone.”

_he’s _upset _minki. _

“we’re going out to address this to everyone after i’ve talked to you. you come first minki.”

_no, you don’t, no one should be caring about you. not after the stunt you’ve just pulled. _

“minki,” jonghyun pulls him out of his trance. “please say something so i know you’re with me.”

minki nods his head lightly. “yeah, i’m here.”

_but you wish you weren’t. _

“i’m _really _sorry hyung. i just wanted my food. it’s not much of an excuse though, i know...”

“aron and i should’ve been more careful anyway. we wanted to still keep our relationship a secret, but we were making out in the open.”

“well, it’s not _all _your fault.” minki stops him. “i should’ve known that you wanted your relationship on the low for now.”

“ok, do we both recognise our faults?” minki nods his head. “then let’s head out shall we?”

_don’t fuck this up minki._

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

jonghyun grabs minki’s hand and minki feels his heart speed up.

_what? are you falling for him too? pathetic. _

minki smacks his head.

“you good minki?” _he must’ve seen. _

“y-yeah, i’m ok,” _what stupidity. _

“ok...?”

“let’s just keep going hyung.”

soon they’re knocking on the door to aron’s room. a few seconds later, they see aron emerge from the room to pull them inside and sit them down on his bed.

“i’m sure jonghyun’s already talked to you about the main problem?” they both nod their heads. “great, then there’s probably not much left to say, but my point of view. it’s probably not going to be much different from jonghyun, so there’s no need to worry.”

minki nods his head. so they aren’t mad at him.

_they’re just saying that minki!_

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

“minhyun! dongho!” jonghyun calls out, trying to get the mentioned two to exit their shared room.

soon enough the both emerge from their room and jonghyun rushes them into sitting on the floor in front of them. minki feels himself curling into jonghyun’s side.

“i feel like i’m back at school.” dongo jokes, chuckling.

“learning time!” minhyun calls after dongho, laughing.

“i know you two are curious as to what happened this morning, and aron and i are going to explain this as best as we can, then you can ask questions.” jonghyun explains. the others nod in response.

“so, we are dating. if that wasn’t obvious. it’s been a week or so, but you don’t need to know the specifics.”

“jonghyun and i tried to keep this a secret for a little bit, until we were comfortable enough in telling you all, but, as you know, that got ruined.” aron continues and minki cringes. “to clear that up, we are not mad at all, so please don’t be mad at him for accidentally doing this.”

“are there any questions?”

they’re all silent.

“any at all?”

“i think you’ve already answered what we were curious about.” dongho takes action.

“this isn’t related, but i want to know why minki’s constantly wrapped around hyung like that.” minhyun speaks up.

minki lifts his head off of his hyung’s shoulder questioningly.

“i don’t think you should be worrying about that minhyun.” jonghyun tries to direct it to something else. “why are you and dongho always so close to each other?”

minhyun softly gasps and dongho’s ears turn red. “i-i don’t know what you’re talking about hyung.”

“don’t lie minhyunie, i’ve seen you two, everyone has seen you two.”

minhyun scoffs and turns his head away.

“u-uh hyung?” dongho softly says.

“yes, dongho?”

“i-is—” he stops himself.

“are you ok dongho?” 

“yeah, i just don’t know if this is appropriate.” 

“at least someone has some common sense.” jonghyun states, indirectly speaking about a certain someone. minhyun scoffs once again.

“tell hyung dongho.” dongho gets up to whisper the question into aron’s ear. “it should be ok, it’s not too a personal question.”

with confirmation, dongho speaks. “is minki in your relationship too?”

that question wasn’t harmful.

“to answer your question. no, no he isn’t.” jonghyun takes lead of the question. he turns to aron. ‘joke?’ he mouths. he repeats it to minki, who’s fine with it, so he nods. 

“but, if things go a bit south for him, he’ll get a formal place in our relationship.” he grins, which causes minki and jonghyun to grin back at him.

“is there something we’re missing?” dongho questions.

jonghyun looks ready to answer the question, but minki beats him to it.

“yes, actually. if you weren’t so obtuse then maybe you would’ve gotten it by now.” he storms off, tears clouding his vision.

he doesn’t get to see the reactions on minhyun and dongho’s faces.

jonghyun and aron follow him into his room.

“we’re here for you minki.” jonghyun says softly. “don’t forget that.”

and minki sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter done! thanks for reading.


	6. minki’s voices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minki talks to jonghyun about the voices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, this chapter minki’s voices get a bit too much for minki, so jonghyun and him talk about it.
> 
> this is coming out a bit earlier since it’s holidays for me and i have more time on my hands (also because i have nothing else to do...)

every time minki walks past either minhyun or dongho, he can feel their eyes bore into the back of his skull. he kind of feels unsafe.

_you shouldn’t have told them then minki! _

minki should really consult someone about his thoughts.

_no, you shouldn’t. _

‘you’re right, what am i thinking?’ he replies to the thoughts in his head.

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

jonghyun is spending the night with aron tonight. (“every weekend i’ll be in aron’s room to keep him company, don’t miss me too much!”) it gives him time to think about his problems.

_what problems? shut up and go to bed. _

minki shouldn’t be surprised by what his thoughts tell him. they get him all the time though.

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

“miiinkiii!”

_dodge it. _

what he hears next is jonghyun crashing into something and a bunch of groans following it.

“hyung!” minki yells out in a panic. “holy fuck. are you ok?” 

he groans again, “yeah, yeah, i’m ok.” he slowly gets up and rubs his face to try and free himself from the pain. “would’ve been better if you _didn’t_ dodge my hug though...”

minki smiles sheepishly in return. “sorry hyung.”

“are you all ok in here?” aron walks in, questioning the loud crashes and yelling.

“minki dodged my hug and i crashed into the wall.” jonghyun pouts as aron rubs his head.

“i’m sure he didn’t mean it hyun.” he kisses away his pout. “i mean, i’d dodge your hugs too.”

jonghyun gasps, “i cant trust any of you! go away.”

aron chuckles and moves to hug minki. “fine, i guess i’ll take minki and leave then. if that’s what you really want.”

“no! don’t go. i lied, please come back!” jonghyun reaches over for aron’s hand, but he moves out the way before he can reach it.

aron chuckles again, and so does minki. “fine, come here,” aron gives in, hugging jonghyun and minki close, he gives jonghyun a kiss in his hair and they move off to aron’s bedroom.

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minki has somehow ended up in the middle of aron and jonghyun’s weird little hug thing they have going on. he doesn’t know how it happened, but all he feels is the love emanating from both of his two hyungs. 

_you don’t deserve the love they give you minki, not after everything you’ve done to them. _

minki lightly grabs at his ears, eyes squishing up in pain.

“minki?” he hears a deep, loud voice in his ear he can hear aron groan next to him. minki just holds his hands closer to his ears, eyes scrunching up even more.

jonghyun becomes more alert, realising that minki must be in pain. he leaps out of bed and lunges towards where aron keeps the painkillers. jonghyun moves out the room quickly and quietly, probably for some water. 

“min-baby? what’s wrong? are you ok? talk to me.” aron starts rushing.

minki can’t talk, he doesn’t want to talk.

soon enough though, jonghyun is storming back in, painkillers in one hand, glass of water in the other. he doesn’t really need anything right now, but he takes them anyway, for his hyungs’ sake.

once the painkillers were taken, he sits back he’s tired. 

“would you like to tell us what’s wrong minki?” jonghyun - sweet, caring jonghyun, who knows how to let things go, but doesn’t when it matters most - says. 

“it was nothing, just an earache, sorry to make you worry, hyungs.” he tries to brush it off, he wants to sleep.

“it’s obviously not, “just an earache,” it’s something else. isn’t it?”

“i-i’m ok. r-really.” minki gets up to leave. jonghyun grabs his arm.

“you’re obviously not! talk to me minki! _please._” jonghyun’s pleading by the end of it.

minki just shakes his head in reply. “maybe later hyungs.” he walks out.

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

after that night, minki has everyone’s eyes locked onto him. dongho and minhyun because of what he had said the previous day. jonghyun and aron because because of that little episode he had last night.

he moves out to the lounge room after getting breakfast. he feels pathetic.

_god minki, could you stop fucking up for once in your life?_

minki grabs at his ears. his head hurts.

unlucky for him though, jonghyun walks past at that exact moment. minki wants to cry.

“minki!”

minki let’s go of his ears quick smart. “i know what you’re going to say, i’m fine! go away!”

minki storms off.

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

‘maybe i _should _be telling someone about these thoughts. i need help.’ 

_you don’t want that minki. you don’t need people knowing how pathetic you are. _

‘just stop, i can’t handle this anymore, i’m going to talk to jonghyun.’ 

_minki, you don’t want anyone knowing how useless you are... right?_

minki’s tired.

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

“i’m getting a sense of dejavu.” jonghyun suddenly says, dancing to ‘dejavu.’ minki chuckles as he shakes his head.

_this is a bad idea minki._

he grabs at his ears lightly, not enough to hurt.

“ah, minki!” jonghyun lightly grabs onto minki’s hands and tries to pry them away from his ears.

minki looks up with tears in his eyes. 

“would you like to tell me what’s wrong baby?”

“t-the voices. in my head...” his voice trails off, unknowing of the outcome.

_minki..._

“yeah, the voices?” jonghyun eggs him on. “talk to me baby.”

minki breaths in and out, trying to calm himself down.

“the voice, in my head, brings me down, tears me apart.. little by little, makes me believe things that aren’t true...”

“like what? what does it tell you?”

“it tells me i’m nothing. nothing to myself, nothing to you guys.”

“oh baby...” jonghyun grabs both of minki’s hands into his and he starts slowly. “i know it’s hard, but you’ve gotta start believing _us, _instead of that _voice. _it’s not healthy. it’s not going to be easy, but you’ve just got to _try. _if not for yourself, for me, for aron, and the rest of nu’est.”

minki nods, “i understand hyung, god, do i understand. it’s so, so _hard, _but hopefully i’ll do it one day.”

“that’s the spirit baby.” the smile at each other. “is there anything else though?”

“yeah, a lot, to be honest.” jonghyun looks at him expectantly. “it tells me that you guys hate me, always have.. always will.. i know you’ll tell me that no one hates me, then it’ll tell me you’re lying.”

“oh minki.. what will i do with you, huh?” jonghyun chuckles, “god i love you baby, i love you so much, _please, _don’t let that voice tell you otherwise, you’re perfect minki.”

_he’s lying, you aren’t perfect, never were, never will be. _

“let me ask you this minki.” minki nods, “if you didn’t have this voice in your head, would you believe that we love you, would you believe a lot of the things we say about you?”

“of course, hyung, how could i not?” minki chuckles. there’s no way, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter done! thanks for reading


	7. minhyun comes out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minhyun comes out but minki says the wrong thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, some of the things about to actually happened to me, when i had came out to a friend (the only thing was i didn’t have anyone to comfort me) and i had decided to implement it to this story.
> 
> there’s lots of crying this chapter, beware.

minki awakens the next morning hearing light sniffles in the room over. 

it’s minhyun and dongho’s room. 

he gets out of his bed and moves out of the room. jonghyun and aron are doing god knows what (at least, he assumes the two of them are together), and to the other side of him, the sniffles are louder.

he can’t help but let the curiosity take over him and moves closer to their bedroom. 

“i-i don’t know what to do hyung,” he hears minhyun breath shakily.

“you’ve gotta tell, them, there’s no use in crying about it.” — it’s dongho, it’s _always _dongho. “look, minhyun, they’re the most caring people you’ll ever meet _ever, _they’re not going to judge you for anything min, believe me...”

he hears minhyun sob again.

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

the next time minki sees minhyun they’re quickly eating their breakfast getting ready to move for their schedules. dongho’s constantly looking at minhyun, a worried expression adorning his face. minki can see his red, puffy eyes in all its glory.

he looks over to aron and jonghyun — they haven’t noticed anything, he’s not surprised though, they don’t know their surroundings when they’re together.

minki continues to shove food down his throat awkwardly.

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minhyun’s obviously been telling dongho things, how can he not?

_that’s very hypocritical minki._

‘shut up,’ he tries to stop his thoughts.

with what minki heard this morning, he’s come to the conclusion that somethings wrong with minhyun. maybe minki should confront minhyun about it.

though, he should let minhyun come to him first, it would be rude to just go up to minhyun and force him to talk to him.

“min-baby?” he hears a quiet voice ask him from next to him, knocking him out of his trance. “is something wrong?”

“oh,” minki’s not quite sure if he should tell jonghyun or not. “i don’t know if i can tell you?” he eventually settles with, it coming out as a question on accident.

“is it about you?”

“no.”

“ok then.” he leaves it at that.

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

the rest of the members have schedules and minki had just returned home, his schedule finishing before he rest of them. he opens the door to his room, and that’s when he can finally hear the sobs coming from minhyun and dongho’s room.

curiosity takes over him and he heads to their room, making sure to leave his stuff behind.

the door is opened slightly and minki can peer in, he should really close and lock it if he doesn’t want people finding out what he has been hiding. only sharing with dongho. 

minhyun is hunched over and shaking slightly. minki opens the door more, finally calling out to minhyun.

“minhyun-hyung?” he lightly calls and minhyun jumps in response.

“minki! what are you doing home?”

“my schedule finished before everyone else, so i got permission to head home earlier.”

“oh.” minhyun lowers his head, wiping his eyes against his hands.

“are you ok hyung?”

“yeah, yeah, i’m ok, just overreacting.” minhyun tries to brush him off.

“if your feelings are involved, then there’s no such thing as overreacting.” minki wants to find out what’s wrong, so he tries to push minhyun to say more. “talk to me hyung, i’m always here for you.”

“i know, i know.” minhyun looks like he’s trying to prepare himself for something.

_don’t fuck this up minki._

“so, i’ve been talking to dongho-hyung about this too. he knows about this, so he tries to help me come out to the rest of you.” 

“come out?” now minki’s intrigued.

“yeah... come out...” he hesitates.

“would you like to tell me hyung?” minki pushes him. 

minhyun breathes in and out. “i’m asexual.”

“that’s all?” minki can hear himself saying before he could think about what he was going to say and minhyun’s face drops dramatically.

“oh,” he whispers, “i can’t believe i liked someone like you.” he says the last part quieter, making sure minki doesn’t hear.

he stands up and zooms out the room and that’s when minki realises that he’s fucked up.

_fucking hell minki! keep your opinions to yourself next time!_

minki doesn’t know what to do, he fucked up _again. _

_add that to the already _very _long list of things you’ve fucked up. _

minki sighs heavily and he gets up. he exits the bedroom and the other is nowhere in sight. 

and so, he heads back to his room.

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

the next time jonghyun sees minki, he’s sitting in the corner of his bed, hands clamped way too tightly over his ears. tears are streaming down his face and jonghyun drops his things immediately and falls in front of minki.

“min-baby.” he says softly and reaches his hands up to where minki’s are. he tried to pry them away and minki’s body starts shaking. jonghyun uses more force.

“min-baby.” he says more forcefully. “let go of your ears baby.”

minki shakes his head fast and jonghyun and jonghyun loses the grip on minki’s hands. “minki. you _need _to let go of your ears and you _need _to tell me what’s wrong.”

the tears are still streaming down his face as he opens his eyes. jonghyun is all blurry, but minki can still see the worry lacing his hyung’s face.

“hyu-hyung.” minki’s voice is soft, and tears flow more as he lets go of his ears in favour of gripping on tightly to jonghyun’s shirt. “i-i’m sorry, i’m s-such a f-fuck up. i’m s-so sorry h-hyung.”

his hyung gives him a soft look, “oh, min-baby, who told you that? you’re not a fuck up.” he has to be careful with his words, he doesn’t need minki crying anymore than he has. 

“minhyun c-came out to m-me,” he gave a little hiccup, “i-i had said s-something without t-thinking, he looked up at me w-with sadness and s-stormed out.”

“did the voice in your head tell you things as well?”

“y-yeah.”

“could you tell me? is that ok?”

_don’t you dare minki. _

minki grips to jonghyun tighter. “t-tell it to stop, _please,” _minki begs, “i cant take it anymore hyung.”

before jonghyun can say anything in return, the door opens revealing a distraught aron. “do any of you know where dongho and minhyun— oh.” he cuts himself off, “should i come back later?” he goes to leave and minki stops him.

“hyung!” 

“me?” aron asks, confused.

“stay, please...”

aron moves into the room and shuts the door. “ok, baby.” he sits beside minki on he bed and rubs his back. “whatever is happening minki, i’m sure it’ll all be ok soon.”

minki feels his heart flutter at aron’s words.

_pathetic._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you thought that minhyun was overreacting, i highly suggest looking up other ace and aro content to really get an idea on how minhyun feels and how being told a “that’s all” after coming out can really effect someone.
> 
> [AVENwiki](http://wiki.asexuality.org/Main_Page)
> 
> thanks for reading!


	8. minki and minhyun talk, minhyun explains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minhyun explains to minki his asexuality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, school, is mentioned in this chapter, i’ll probably never mention it again, but for school, it’s the australian system, since 1) i’m australian and 2) i don’t know about other school systems, so just keep this in mind.
> 
> the boys mentioned, are just the way i see boys, and how some boys are in australian schools, in no way am i trying to say all boys are like this, just how i see them.
> 
> nothing really bad happens in this chapter, it gets better for minki, so that’s all that matters in the end.

“look, i know you don’t like it, but you have to.” trust jonghyun to say that. 

“are you sure _minhyun-hyung _wants to see me?” minki tries to counter jonghyun’s attack.

“oh don’t give me this,” jonghyun sighs, “you need to talk to him whether you _or _him want to or not.” 

“c’mon minki, you two work together, you need to confront each other about what’s happened.” aron, always on jonghyun’s sided. 

minki sighs heavily, “ok, i’ll try to talk to him then.”

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

“hyung...?” minki tries to be careful. “c-can i speak to you alone please?”

dongho gives him this strange look, like he’s telling him that if he makes a wrong move, he’ll spoon out his eyes. or rip his throat out. minki’s fine with it as long as he gets the death he so wishes.

minhyun pats dongho’s shoulders. “i’ll be ok hyung, don’t worry. let’s go minki.”

they then head outside.

“this place seems to be everyone’s comfort place, hey, minki?” minhyun chuckles. “so, what did you want to say?” 

“i wanted to talk to you about the other night, where i had said the wrong thing to your coming out...” minki’s hesitant about his wording, he doesn’t need something else happening with minhyun. he certainly doesn’t need dongho ripping out his throat either. not today.

_although, death _does _sound nice. _

“oh, yeah,” minhyun looks up to the sky, “look, i’m not mad, it’s just, not what i needed to hear.”

_that’s what they all say. _

_doesn’t this sound familiar to you minki? remember the last time you fucked up?_

“yeah, i totally understand,” minki sighs, “i wouldn’t want to come out to someone and then brush it off with ‘that’s ok’.”

“if it’s alright with you, i’d like to come out again. hopefully i’ll get the right response this time.” they both chuckle.

“yeah, that’s ok with me, plus, i’d like to hear what you have to say. i’m genuinely curious.” 

minhyun smiles, “thank you minki, i love you.” the older gives minki a soft kiss on his forehead and starts his story.

“so, basically, it started in high school, y’know, where apparently almost every boy are only interested in girls, porn and some sad rap songs. oh, and their only vocabulary consists of a bunch of swear words.” 

minki chuckles at that.

“it’s kind of the only things the boys would talk about i guess, it made me uncomfortable.”

“how did you find out?”

“i was asexual?” the younger nods. “i won’t bore you with some of the minor details, but after it had been a couple years in high school, teacher and peers would talk about how one day i’d feel this deep connection to someone and i’d like, want to fuck them one day.

“then i realised that sounded very disgusting and something i would absolutely _not do _ever in my lifetime. i searched it up, and surprisingly i found it pretty quickly. from what i saw, other people like me took awhile to warm up to their sexuality.”

“did it take you long hyung, are you happy?” minki asks out of curiosity.

“surprisingly, as soon as i saw what asexual meant and what asexuality was, i was extremely happy to start referring as asexual.” minhyun smiles at the fond memory.

“did you tell anyone after you found out, are we the first to know this stuff?”

“uh, well, i told like, two friends who i could trust, but that’s about it. them two, you and dongho are the only ones who know about it at the moment.” the older says. “i plan on telling the others later.”

“tell them when you’re ready, hyung.” 

“of course.” minhyun smiles softly.

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minki walks into his room that night feeling happier, he and minhyun have made up and it’s making minki feel lighter.

he looks over to jonghyun’s bed when he and aron are watching something on the older’s laptop.

“oh, minki!” jonghyun says, immediately after noticing minki. he rips out the earphones and he can hear aron groan in response. not for long though, as he feels jonghyun choking him in a tight hug.

minki lets out a gasp and jonghyun let’s go of him. 

“so, how did it go?”

“it went well hyungs!” minki’s face lights up as he starts to recall how his conversation went.

“that sounds amazing min-baby, it really does.” jonghyun gives him the sweetest smile and minki’s whole day gets better in those few minutes he’s been with jonghyun.

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

dongho doesn’t look like he’s about to gauge out minki’s eyes, or rip out his throat anymore. minki’s glad.

all five have started acting like a group now, and it’s making minki feel better.

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

their comeback is right around the corner and their company has basically shoved and locked the five of them into their practice room. everything’s all ok between them, so minki isn’t worried about _more _fights breaking out between them.

“ah, hyungs...” minhyun speaks up from where he’s sitting, breaking the comfortable silence that has enveloped everyone earlier. “i’ve already told minki and dongho-hyung about this, but i think i’m ready to tell you two now as well.”

jonghyun drags aron from where they’re sitting, over to minhyun. “i could’ve walked myself you know.” aron jokes and jonghyun rolls his eyes.

“we’re listening. i _hope_.” jonghyun adds after what aron said, looking over to him. aron glares at him.

dongho glares at them from a distance, like he’s waiting for one of them to fuck up with their wording. just like minki did.

_pathetic._

minhyun breaths in and out. “i’m asexual.”

despite any fears that minhyun might have had, aron and jonghyun give him this warm smile. 

“thanks for telling us min,” jonghyun starts, “if you think this is going to change anything you don’t need to worry, we still love you.”

minhyun draws in a soft intake of breath and smiles brightly. dongho’s face softens. “thank you hyungs!”

minhyun’s eyes starts watering and jonghyun and aron move to hug him. 

“don’t cry min, we love you all the same.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter done!
> 
> i thought i wasn’t going to get this chapter out, but i found time for it, so here it is! thanks for reading.


	9. new relationship inbound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minki should’ve been expecting this, but when it happened, it felt like he hadn’t known any thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had an epiphany writing this chapter, so it takes a wild route that i was not expecting it to go when i started it, so i hope you enjoy!

even though minhyun had a lot of worries about coming out, none of them came to fruition.

minki doesn’t know why he was so worried about it, not when the members have the warmest hearts ever. that’s what anxiety is for, minki guesses.

minhyun seems much happier and dongho isn’t about to murder anyone anymore.

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

“how are you feeling minki?” jonghyun asks, as they walk outside sitting down on the chairs, that sit before them. jonghyun wanted to get away from their room, expressing that he’d much rather get fresh air.

“i’m feeling a lot better, thanks hyung. i really appreciate it.” the younger smiles softly.

“how are your feelings with minhyun and dongho going?” jonghyun asks carefully.

“oh, you know, the usual. it’s still there, i still feel like i blush like a crazy school girl when they’re around.” he confesses, “but, recently, i haven’t been thinking about them much, with everything going on.”

jonghyun’s soft hands move up to cup minki’s face, “everything will be fine minki.” 

minki nods and his heart speeds up at the sweet gesture, “i know, hyung.”

jonghyun leaves a small kiss on his forehead and grabs the younger’s hand. “c’mon, let’s go sleep now.”

minki’s face heats up as he gets dragged into their shared room. he heads straight to bed, telling jonghyun he’s too tired for anything else.

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minki looks into minhyun and dongho’s room, expecting them to be mucking around. they all have schedules and the two were still nowhere to be found. he looks, he sees, and he sees what he _doesn’t _need or _want _to see.

minhyun is straddling dongho as they lazily make out, lips moving together in a slow rhythm.

minki tries to gain confidence before walking in to tell them off. they both hear the door open and both look over in surprise.

“you two, please stop making out,” he starts, and honestly, he scares _himself_ with how steady his voice is. “we have schedules to attend and here you two are making out, please get off of dongho-hyung and let’s go.”

minhyun’s face is bright red and dongho stares along in bewilderment.

“oh shit, he knows.” minhyun whispers to the other as he’s walking out.

technically, minki doesn’t know anything, he was just unfortunate enough to walk in on the two of them at the wrong time. he’ll just have to wait for the two of them to tell the rest of the group when they’re ready.

when minki walks out to the other two, he doesn’t say anything to in fear of fucking up again, no one questions why he’s quiet.

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

that day comes quicker than minki expected. they’ve finished their schedules for the day and they’re chilling on the couch, something playing on the television in the background. minki thinks the only one who’s paying attention is jonghyun.

minhyun then arises from where he’s sitting and clears his throat, getting the attention of everyone in the room.

he gives this look of confirmation to dongho, who nods back to him.

“a-ah hyungs. plus minki.” he says, stumbling over his words. “there’s something i- dongho and i, would like to tell you all.” dongho moves closer to where minhyun stands. minki knows where this is going.

“so.. ah, god, i’m so nervous.” minhyun sighs as he falls back into his seat, shoving his face into dongho’s shoulder. dongho whispers something to the other and minhyun nods.

“ok, so what minhyun is trying to say, is that we’re dating.” 

despite knowing vaguely what was going on, minki wasn’t expecting his heart to drop as far as it did. they all congratulate the “new” couple and minki looks down to his lap.

jonghyun notices and takes his hand out of aron’s grasp and moves it to grasp minki’s hand. aron looks over in confusion, but sees the two of them and he understands.

there’s a long silence in the room before aron laughs, “ha! finally! we can get back with you for all the questions you asked us!” he looks ver to jonghyun and they both grin at each other.

for a while, (minki doesn’t remember the exact time.) all you could hear was jonghyun and aron practically yelling questions at the couple and them trying to answer them as best as they could.

minki has said nothing throughout and jonghyun held his hand all the way through.

once they’re done, jonghyun rushes dongho and minhyun off, telling them to get some sleep. he grabs aron’s hand in his free one, and rushes off to aron’s room, his being the furtherest from the new couple’s room.

“how are you minki?” jonghyun says softly, carefully and the youngest grabs onto aron’s hands for comfort.

“i-i don’t know hyung.” and that’s when minki breaks. “i-i’m so sorry hyungs, i’m so _weak. _i’m sorry.” he says, as he collapses into jonghyun’s arms.

“you don’t need to be sorry, min-baby. you’ve just _potentially _lost the loves of your life - to each other. but there’s nothing to feel sorry about.” it’s aron speaking, and minki looks up to him, eyes glassy. “it’ll be ok.”

minki can feel a laugh bubble in his throat and he lets it out, “ok? ok!? how can it be _ok _hyung!?” he’s practically yelling at this point, the other two might hear, but that’s the least of minki’s worries. “how about you two try liking two people at once, and them getting together!?”

tears are streaming down minki’s face at this point and jonghyun’s eyes are hooded.

“what if we do like two people at once minki?” jonghyun retorts, voice getting gradually louder. “well guess what minki? we _like you, _so fucking much.”

minki’s face falls, he’s such a dick.

“seeing you in pain hurts us, so _much. _we _hate _it.”

minki’s an absolute dick.

“we want you to know how much we like you, how much we want to _be with you._”

minki stands there in shock, he doesn’t know _what _to do or say. “hyungs...” he says softly.

“no, it doesn’t matter anymore, i know you don’t like us minki, why would you when you have dongho and minhyun.” after that, jonghyun leaves and slams the door on the two left inside. 

“look, stay in my room tonight.” aron says after while, minki forgot he was even there. “i’ll talk to jonghyun and i’ll see you in the morning minki.” he kisses his forehead and goes to leave. 

“think about what jonghyun said, please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that’s another chapter done. thanks for reading!


	10. confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's official, minki feels his heart jump in joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so so sorry for not uploading last week! last week a lot of things happened and then sulli's death happened and i just fell to shit. i'm so sorry if you were waiting for it last week, but I haven't abandoned this and updates should be happening regularly again!

minki lays on aron’s bed that night thinking. 

_ you’re an absolute dick, minki. _

it hasn’t been long since aron had left him alone and since he had stopped crying. it’s been a while, however, he still feels like bawling his eyes out. 

_ toughen up minki. _

now, minki has to decide whether he wants to be with aron and jonghyun or not. 

_ you don’t deserve either of them after the stunt you pulled earlier. _

his thoughts consuming him, taking over his mind. his thoughts, might lead to his breaking point. 

minki cries. 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

promotions for ‘bet bet’ have officially started, and jonghyun successfully managed to ignore minki throughout. 

aron is watching him every second, minki feels he’s making sure minki doesn’t cry during a recording, that would be bad, so minki doesn’t mind it. 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minki lays in his bed that night, thinking. jonghyun has basically moved into aron’s room, never coming in here while minki’s around. 

minki feels sick. 

though, at least it gives him time to think about his feelings for the two. 

the question is, _ does _minki like the both of them? 

for jonghyun, it’s definitely there. from the small touches of jonghyun when he’s having a breakdown, to jonghyun’s small forehead kisses when the younger does something right. his heart flutters and he feels the heat of his face rise. 

with aron, it’s more delicate. 

minki’s soft for aron, there’s no doubt about that, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for his most precious hyung. 

aron’s sweet words and even sweeter looks never fail to make the younger feel on top of the world; like he could do anything. 

maybe he _ is _in love with them after all. 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

minki feels the gaze of jonghyun’s eyes on him when they’re out doing their schedules. minki’s confused, if he wants to talk to him then why doesn’t he? 

minki hasn’t made an attempt to speak to jonghyun either and he can see it’s driving aron insane. 

“one of you needs to initiate a conversation before i go absolutely _ mad. _” he says to minki one day. jonghyun’s already sleeping and the other two are outside, discussing the situation. 

“are you sure jonghyun wants to speak to me?” 

aron shakes his head, “doesn’t this sound familiar to you minki? remember the last time you said that?” 

minki looks down in shame. _ he’s completely right. _

“you’re right hyung, i’m sorry.” minki looks back up to aron and sighs, “i’ll talk to him the next time we’re free.” 

aron looks back at him with a proud look on his face, “let’s get this bread!” 

minki giggles. 

- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

the next break they get isn’t for a while and minki’s the _ tiniest _bit happy he doesn’t have to face jonghyun. 

they day they _ do _get the day off, minki can feel aron’s glare on him almost all day, until finally he feels aron give a shove towards his bedroom. a minute later, jonghyun’s stumbling in after him, whining about not wanting to talk. 

“look, jonghyun, you two _ have _to talk, i don’t give a fuck about what you two think, you need to talk. or else.” aron threatens, and jonghyun looks down with sadness. minki worries about him. 

“ok.” he eventually replies and looks up to minki. aron sighs and finally leaves the two of them to talk. 

“i’m so sorry hyung.” minki starts, after a long silence. “i didn’t know you liked me, liked multiple people at once. i was just sad that two of the people i liked the most got together.” 

“i shouldn’t have yelled that at you anyway, i know aron was disappointed in me afterwards. he didn’t want you to know.” 

minki sees tears fill up jonghyun’s eyes and he moves to hug jonghyun. he moves his head into the crook of the older’s neck. jonghyun exhales with a shaky sigh. 

minki then looks up from the crook of jonghyun’s neck and moves his mouth to jonghyun’s ear. 

“i like you too hyung. aron-hyung as well.” 

jonghyun gasps, “what?” 

“you heard me hyung. i like you, have for a while now, be my boyfriend?” 

minki watches as the tears fall out of jonghyun’s eyes, “m-minki...” 

the younger wipes away jonghyun’s tears, “please don’t cry hyung, what do you say? be my boyfriend?” 

jonghyun gasps out a “yes”, and minki closes the gap between the two to give a peck on jonghyun’s lips. 

jonghyun, however, wants more and moves back to minki’s lips and kisses him harder. he places his arms gently around minki and pulls him closer, so he's flush against jonghyun's waist.

it elicits a gasp from minki and jonghyun takes this as a chance to snake his tongue into minki’s mouth. 

it doesn’t last long before aron is storming through the door and the two pull apart quickly. 

“o...k...” aron says, confusion prominent in his voice, “i though one of you murdered the other, but here you are, making out.” 

minki looks down, “oh, i’m sorry hyung.” and the tears fill up his eyes. 

“oh! min-baby! please don’t cry...” aron runs into minki and hugs him tight. “i didn’t mean it like that! i’m just glad that you two have sorted whatever was wrong out.” 

_ tsk, always overreacting minki... _

minki tries to calm his breathing, not wanting to panic himself, or the others. 

minki looks up to aron after he’s calmed down and they stare at each other. 

“hyung...” minki starts, now is a better time than ever to say what he needs to say. “i like you too.” 

now it’s aron’s turn to gasp. “uhm, what?” 

“not this again.” minki sighs, “yes, i like you aron hyung, sorry i didn’t tell you as soon as you walked in. either way, be my boyfriend?” he looks at aron with a cute smile and aron looks back in disbelief. 

“uh.. ok?” 

“great!” minki claps his hands, “we’re all dating now!” he twirls around on the stop he standing and jonghyun and aron are confused. 

“is this real?” jonghyun speaks up. 

“what do you mean hyung?” minki questions cutely with a head tilt. “why would i play with your feelings like that?” 

jonghyun shrugs his shoulders at aron then stares at the younger. 

“i guess it’s offical, we’re boyfriends!” 

“yeah!” aron says, and minki starts jumping up and down in excitement. 

aron places a hand on minki’s shoulder to stop him jumping. “ok baby, let’s calm down shall we?” minki can hear a soft chuckle escape jonghyun’s mouth. “now, shall we sleep?” 

they all spread out to start and finish their nightly routine. in almost an hour the three of them are done and meet back in jonghyun and minki’s room. 

“was _ not _ expecting us to get together like _ that _.” jonghyun says, chuckling. 

“none of us were hyung.” minki replies, “honestly, i wasn’t ever expecting us _ to _get together.” 

“awe, min-baby, don’t speak so down about our abilities to get together.” this time, aron joins in. 

“you should know me by now hyung, that’s how it rolls in my mind.” 

aron places a soft peck on his forehead, “well, we’ll just have to work on that.” 

minki nods. 

_ god, more people to annoy about this “problem” of yours? _

minki sighs softly, as to not notify the others of his struggle. 

he finally relaxes into the hold of jonghyun and aron’s lands a soft kiss on his lips, “i can finally do that now.” he grins and minki leans in for another kiss. 

aron gives him a longer, deeper kiss. the older smiles into the kiss and grabs minki’s cheeks, deepening the kiss even more. 

“can we _ please _sleep? i’m so fucking tired after today.” the other two both chuckle at their boyfriend’s cute antics and they all scoot closer together. 

minki leans his head on aron’s chest and jonghyun wraps his arms around minki’s waist, effectively lulling them into a peaceful sleep. 

(“i love you both so _ fucking _much.” 

“we love you too minki, now get some sleep.”) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter done. thanks for sticking around!


	11. minki’s happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nu’est road is honestly just a great excuse for the couples to be all couple-y. even if minhyun and dongho have no idea about minki joining the jron relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi...?
> 
> IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE.
> 
> i really did expect to get this chapter out a week after the last chapter did, but my life suddenly got out of hand and i didn’t really write for a good few months. a lot of things have happened since the last chapter and a lot of months have gone by and i really do feel extremely sorry that i couldn’t get this chapter out earlier. i do feel much better than i did in the months prior to this. i do not know when the next chapter will be out, but i hope it is not in six months time. i’ll try my best to finish this as quickly as i can, so the schedule i had going wont be in use. i honestly don’t know who would be reading this anymore, but if you do, thank you! i hope i don’t keep you waiting for the next chapter.

there’s nothing minki loves more than being squished in between the loves of his life. 

nu’est road is honestly just a great excuse for the couples to be all couple-y. even  _ if _ minhyun and dongho have no idea about minki joining the jron relationship. 

“it must suck being stuck in between jron, huh?” says minhyun, turning around to poke fun at minki’s “unfortunate” circumstance. if only he really knew. 

“ha, yeah...” minki awkwardly chuckles before turning to jonghyun and aron. putting both his hands up to his boyfriends’ faces. “think about flirting while i’m between you two and i’ll cut your tongues off.”

“ok, sure minki,” aron chuckles, going along with minki’s jokes, “we’ll make sure.”

minki doesn’t forget about the two lovebirds in the front either, “and you two,” he stares at them, “don’t think i won’t forget about you two. do the same and your tongues are as good as gone too.”

minhyun stares back accusingly, hand on his heart, “how dare you think so lowly, of me minki, i would  _ never _ , kiss him in front of you guys. bros before hoes, minki.” his index finger slips under his bottom eyelashes, as if a tear had escaped his eye. 

dongho just chuckles at his boyfriend’s antics, “alright, stop your joking, it’s time to get filming underway!”

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

it’s the first time they’re doing something like this, going on a trip, and minki loves the feeling of the wind that rides through his hair.

watching the way his members show pure happiness make minki feel the happiest he could ever be as well.

the members do as much as they can on the drive, bet making, playing songs, singing, playing games with each other and just genuinely enjoying the comfort of each other.

it almost feels like no one is dating anyone. the serenity between the members is something minki wishes to exist forever. there’s no voice in his head either, belittling him, putting him down, it’s just calmness.

the next rest stop they have, dongho and minhyun go to the bathroom together and the pd says they’re stopping filming for half-an-hour.

minki, jonghyun and aron take this time to head into the living department of their camper and to hopefully spend the next half-an-hour talking with one another.

“how are you feeling minki?” jonghyun says with a light peck to the younger’s forehead.

“i’m doing great hyung!” he says enthusiastically, “i haven’t had any self-deprecating thoughts and for once i feel genuinely happy to be out and about with you all.”

“that’s, really good min-baby, i’m so glad you’re feeling happy.” jonghyun pats minki’s back and aron grabs onto his hand.

“while we are on this trip, if you have  _ any _ of those self-deprecating thoughts at  _ all,  _ you come to us  _ immediately, _ ” aron lightly threatens, “this is supposed to be a fun trip, with all five of us, no disgusting thought should enter your mind.”

“ok hyungs, i promise.” before anyone else can say anything else, dongho and minhyun barge in, complaining about each other, the other three just laugh at the couple.

the five converse naturally and soon enough, it’s time for filming to get started once again.

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

for so long, the five of them are cramped in the van, too tiny for all of their long bodies to be stuck in the same position.

_ it’s all thanks to dongho’s planning,  _ minki thinks saltily,  _ if only dongho thought of what he was putting down on the paper. _

for twenty minutes, the five group members are stuck going the same straight path they started twenty minutes ago.

but minki can’t voice his thoughts though because they’re still filming and they would be for at least an hour more. so, instead, he just puts up with not being able to talk to the members as much as he freely would when not filming.

he manages to get close to minhyun and dongho (special privileges sitting in the middle seat), by constantly tapping each of them on the shoulders. he manages to joke around with all of them to get his mind off things, and to make the one hour go by faster.

_ ramen sounds really tempting right now,  _ minki decides, because he can feel his stomach growl in anticipation.

it’s around the end of their one hour and they seem nowhere near where they are supposed to be, which kind of worries minki. when jonghyun suddenly says he’d rather be with his members then anywhere else, it makes minki’s heart swell with love.

maybe minki can bear with this, just for a little longer.

\- 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 -

there’s a really nice lady at the rest spot where they’re forced to rest. luckily she lets them stay - even offers them her warehouse to stay in. minki’s just grateful and that he and the rest of the members can finally rest their legs.

after speaking to the lady, they’re  _ finally _ allowed to go eat ramen and minki’s stomach is growling harder than ever.

and again, minhyun and dongho manage to stick themselves next to each other and minki is forced to sit between his two boyfriends. (not that he’s mad, of course, but he’s been stuck next to them for the past hour, there’s only so much of your boyfriends that you can handle.)

chaos, of course, consumes the five of them when they’re around food, so it’s no surprise that they’re loud.

a game of wits sees aron chucked out of the van to fetch kimchi, that the nice lady had offered them only minutes beforehand.

surprisingly enough, it causes the other four into an even bigger ruckus than before and minhyun manages to burn himself on the pot where they need to cook their ramen.

honestly, it’s just a big excuse for dongho and minhyun to be all gooey with each other without anyone catching onto what’s going on.

the ramen cooks and the rain has subsided, so they all make their way outside as dongho sets up the table. minki manages to have a really nice meal and his stomach finally feels full. he makes quick eye contact with his boyfriends to let him know that it’s all ok.

they take photos with the nice lady and they finally start packing up to continue their journey of nu’est road.

minki finally feels free of his self-deprecation and he hopes it continues on for the rest of the precious road trip with his members.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was basically i filler chapter to get my mind back into writing for nu’est, so i hope it’s up to standards.
> 
> until next time, whenever that may be, thank you for reading!


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